Updated: Jul 10, 2020
It comes and goes in waves...
One thing about grief is that it comes in waves. It creeps up on you- out of the blue, and floods you with overwhelming feelings of sadness, loneliness, regret... Grief is definitely a cocktail of feelings, and the intensity of each wave varies each time.
Grief is something that will always exist and be present within you once you lose a loved one. It is something that you learn to cope and deal with: something you move through rather than get over with or fully overcome. I found that many people experience grief in a way that can only be described as 'waves'. Losing someone is always difficult and that pain and sadness will always be there but I have found that the first year for most is always the hardest. I was always grieving for at least a few months after my dad passed. However, after the first anniversary of his passing, life seemed to get back to 'normal' and I found myself experiencing grief in a new way.
To much of my surprise, it wasn't something I felt relentlessly or all the time. It was something that crept up on me at any time and was more infrequent.
These 'waves of grief' (as I like to call them) are hard-hitting and quite a challenge to deal with. If I could give you any advice on how to deal with them, it would be to first allow yourself to cry. Crying is probably one of the most cathartic ways to relieve your emotions- but obviously only if you feel like you need to cry. Please don't go spraying pepper spray in your eyes! Sorry- just a little joke to lighten the mood. Anyway, I would also recommend watching a 'comfort show'. My comfort shows include Psych, Gilmore Girls, Brooklyn Nine-Nine... Honestly, the list goes on. Sometimes it is really helpful to have a distraction like that. Lastly, get some rest. Dive into your comfy couch or bean bag (whatever floats your boat really) and just relax and breathe. If you are out and about when the waves hit you- try closing your eyes, even just for a few seconds, and breathe in and out. Take a few silent moments to reflect and recollect yourself. Maybe thinking happy thoughts is something that would help you? Everyone has their own ways of dealing with things- whether it's a popular or somewhat weird method.
You are not alone in this sea of grief.