Updated: Jul 25
The 28th of June marked two years since my dad passed away and it feels as though a lot has happened since then, yet sometimes I still find myself astounded by what had happened.
Undoubtedly, bereavement is such a difficult and painful experience and after the passing of my dad, I've learnt that when you lose someone, you also lose everything that came with that person... You lose an entire part of your life. Not only did I lose my dad, but I lost a home, I lost connections, I lost my lovely cats... When you lose someone, you find yourself having to adapt to the absence of that person along with a different lifestyle. One significant thing for me was that I used to call my dad every morning and evening. I was so used to picking up the phone every day for years and as strange as it might sound- I really miss doing that, even though they are just phone calls. Initially, I would still pick up the phone, almost as a reflex around those times of the day or whenever I read something funny or something good happened during my day. Eventually, I got used to that significant part of my life not being there, but I still keep his number on my phone- even though I know it doesn't have any use anymore. Sometimes I stumble across it and press the 'call' button as if he would pick up from the other end, despite knowing that it won't happen.
Knowing that he won't be there for the important moments in my life or to see me grow as a person and change is still hard to fathom, even two years on.
I remember reading a quote online which I feel perfectly explains how a lot of my grief feels like:
Losing a parent is like wanting to go home so much- but you can't.
There are a lot of things I still must get used to, and I know that some things may never go away.